“[the mother] never lets the matter be a cause of friction between herself and the child, taking the line of his friendly ally to help him against that bad memory of his.”
— Charlotte Mason, Home Education, pg. 321
“Do not offer him a crutch: it is in his own power he must go. “
— Charlotte Mason, Home Education, pg. 26
Things get complicated when it comes to high school, don’t they? There are just so many options out there on college application and career planning. The amount of information is so abundant and constantly changing, and I feel like I never have enough time to do enough research in graduating my first student without any oversight.
As we are finishing up this school year, and making plans for next year, I often reflect with open hands and a humble heart, and decide if home education is still the best option for each of my children. Recently, I have learned something new, the hard way, and would like to share with you my thoughts and heart posture on becoming my first graduate’s guidance counselor:
- Acknowledge Your Student’s Personhood: I once displayed Mason’s first principle, “Children are born persons,” in our school room, and my husband joked that he knew every single word but had no idea what that statement meant(!). Well, in its simplest sense, this principle acknowledges the fact that every family AND every child is different. In our family, we respect our child’s personhood, as well as the desires and aspirations that our Creator God knitted into their hearts long ago. We are supportive towards whatever hopes and dreams they bear, within a healthy boundary, even though the path they have chosen might be drastically different from ours.
- Recognize the Ultimate Authority: The thought of releasing my firstborn seems fear-provoking, but releasing into her Sovereign God could be extremely calming. These challenging years are also a precious time to teach our teen to seek God’s will, to be led by the Spirit, and to make God-honoring decisions. A time to put her faith into practice, to exercise “the boundaries of the Kingdom of Mansoul,” as Mason explored in her volume, Ourselves, and to let her self-reverence, self-knowledge, and self-control flourish.
- Become Their “Friendly Ally”: Teen years are so full of discomfort and constant oppositions that lead to many moments of self-doubts as a mother and a teacher. First, I need to abandon the illusion that my teen is still that little child who would be obedient in all things and at all times. Then, in times of conflicts, I have learned not to let the matter become our cause of friction, instead, try to use my friendly and loving voice (which is often difficult) to affirm her intentions and attempt to offer my perspective.
- Reserve My Words: I explored the idea of “masterly inactivity” in my recent post, which truly is the key to the thriving, productive, and peaceful high school years. Interestingly, I have noticed that the less often I offer my advice, the more precious my words ultimately become. Recently, my frequent response to all the “Oh! Mama, should I …?” questions is either “What do you think?” or “I am not answering that question.” Our teens should learn to think for themselves at this stage. Without watering down my words, my intention is not offer her a crutch in every single situation.
- Let Them Make Mistakes: Within a healthy boundary and the purpose of honoring her Ultimate Authority, I allow my teen make the final decisions, which also requires greater faith on my end. As she matures in her thinking, her own opinions and preferences should be honored. Liberty always comes with risks though. It is difficult to even think about letting our children make mistakes, but they should, and these are the perfect years to make those mistakes.
- Keep the End Goal in Mind: I recently read fellow CMEC mom, co-founder, and academic director, Amy Snell’s Instagram post on how we come to the feast table not to learn how to teach, but how to live. The end goal of home education is NOT to get into a prestigious college, to pursue certain career and/or to make a lot of money, but with the hope of cultivating a whole person who truly knows how to live her life.
At this time of writing, my high school student and I are making some preliminary plans regarding her upcoming junior year, a year closer to her departure towards college. I am grateful for the high school resources and support from the CMEC. In this bittersweet, less-traveled portion of our homeschool journey, the precious words from Mason still ring true to me: “A mother is qualified … by the Creator Himself, … and what is demanded of her is —a thinking love.
